How To Tactfully Send Food Back At A Restaurant

Learn how to navigate effectively communicating your food allergies when sending food back at a restaurant!

Affiliate Disclosure: You should assume the owner of this website has an affiliate relationship and/or another material connection, to any suppliers of goods and services that may be discussed here and may be compensated for showing advertisements or recommending products or services, or linking to the supplier’s website.

Eating out at restaurants with food allergies can sometimes feel like rolling the dice dice.

Whether you are at a restaurant close to home or somewhere on the other side of the world, sometimes your order may not come the way you expected.

For some people this might be a minor inconvenience, but for someone with significant food allergies, it can be a really big deal.

Ingesting even a small amount of one of my allergens can greatly impact my quality of life for hours, up to weeks at a time.

Knowing how important it is to stay safe, you do have to do your part before even heading to the restaurant.

Being smart about eating out with food allergies means first creating an eating plan that includes checking out the restaurant online. That might include even sending an email asking if they can accommodate you prior to a visit.

Telling the staff about each of your allergies and getting confirmation that the item you’re ordering can be altered to meet your needs is a no-brainer. Yet, even when all of these precautions were followed, there will still be instances when things go wrong.

How you handle the moment when your food comes out to the table and is incorrect can be tricky.

If you’re anything like me, you may experience a wide variety of emotions in this situation; everything from anger and frustration, to embarrassment and anxiety.

So, what should you do?

5 Steps To Sending Food Back When Eating Out With Food Allergies

1. Take a Deep Breath

After all the work and preparation you put into trying to ensure things would go well, your first reaction may not be your best reaction.

Stop for a moment and just take a breath.

Don’t start looking around frantically for the waiter and waving your hands. Just stop for a minute and think about the next step.

Try counting to 5 on an inhale and 5 on an exhale a few times. This can help calm down any negative feelings that may arise.

Related: How To Effectively Communicate Your Food Allergies When Traveling

2. Reset Your Mind

Starting from a place of being angry or defensive isn’t going to help. Especially not if you want to have a positive outcome from this experience. Of course, when something comes out wrong it can feel like you weren’t taken seriously. The action (or inaction) on their part may have even put you at risk. It makes sense you would feel upset!

Try to remember that food allergies aren’t something most of the world fully understands, at least not yet. Instead of reacting right away, try to see things from their side.

Maybe they are having a bad day or are in a hard place in their own lives. Or maybe everything is fine in their lives and they just forgot to enter the details correctly!

Whatever the reason might be, understand it is not a personal attack, it was a mistake.

A potentially serious mistake, but a mistake nonetheless.

Taking a moment to understand the other side of the situation helps to clear your mind of the initial feelings that are often unhelpful. It can also prepare you to have a conversation where you can express your concern in a productive way.

3. Calmly Communicate Your Food Allergies And The Error

After you have taken a moment to take a deep breath and let go of your initial negative feelings, you can begin to communicate the error to the staff without putting them on the defensive. Remember, when you eat at a restaurant other people are in control of your food. That means in order to get things done correctly, you need them on your side!

Try to avoid using “you” as it is distinctly accusatory. That type of language may automatically make them less inclined to do right by you.

Instead, start by specifically stating what was incorrect about the dish. Then explain why you cannot have it prepared the way it was delivered.

For example, “Excuse me, I noticed that toast came on top of my salad. I cannot have bread on my dish because I have an allergy to gluten.”

In my case I would also have to explain that I need the entire dish made again. That is because once gluten comes in contact with my food I am no longer able to eat it. I would then ask if that is possible for them to do.

Generally in these instances the server has said to me, “Oh, of course! I am sorry, I will have them remake it”.

Related: 3 Apps You Need To Have When Traveling With Food Allergies

4. What If It Still Isn’t Right?

There have been times when I sent my food back with a request for it to be remade and returned to the table in record time. In these instances it is often clear something isn’t right. They maybe just removed the bread, put the same chicken from the flour tortilla onto a corn tortilla, or scraped the cheese off the beans.

If you’re wondering – yes, all of these have happened to me on more than one occasion!

When something like that has happened, I will ask them to confirm the entire dish was remade from scratch. If the answer is “Yes” I have another decision to make –

Do I trust them enough to risk it?

In almost all of those circumstances I will not eat it. It is never worth it to me to eat something that might potentially be contaminated with my allergens. I would never recommend you do that either!

Of course, this is still very frustrating… and you’re hungry!

What can you do?

I would suggest starting from the beginning. Take another deep breath, reset your mind once again, and then talk directly to the manager.

Let them know your concerns in a calm way. Use this as a time when they can be informed of a way their staff could get more education on food allergies. Once they know they can work to prevent similar situations from happening again.

5. Share Your Experience About Eating Out With Food Allergies!

The last thing I would recommend doing is writing a review of the restaurant. As part of the food allergy community, it is so important that we help each other by sharing our experiences. That way we can support the businesses that are making an effort to do their best to keep all of their patrons healthy and happy!

Make sure your review is factual, sharing your exact experience and how it was handled. Also, avoid using harsh or derogatory language as that can often be dismissed by others who will read it.

Using the steps above can help you to calm down prior to writing the review if you find yourself feeling angry or upset.

Related: How To Create Your Own First Aid Kit For Travel

Conclusion

Eating out at restaurants with food allergies can be stressful, especially when things don’t go as planned. Tactfully sending back food at a restaurant can take practice but is often necessary when you have food allergies or intolerances.

Taking time to think about what you’re going to say and not just reacting with your first emotions can often give you the most positive outcome. It also won’t put the staff on the defensive and it could even be a good learning opportunity for them.

Of course, always remember to go out with your epinephrine auto injector or other allergy medication in case of emergency!

I want to hear from you! What have your experiences been like when eating out with food allergies? Have you had to send food back at restaurants? Do you have any tips for getting the best outcome from this situation?

My Travel Must-Haves: